Wednesday, April 2, 2008

This or That


Dear Husband,

If you're an aspiring singer/musician, which do you think is better for your career?

To win American Idol or to have your song on an Apple commercial?

What Husband? I know!
That's what I thought too - I'm a mac fan myself.

sigh...we're sooooo compatible. (forgive the pun)


Thursday, March 20, 2008



Dear Husband,

Guess what. My yoga instructor also teaches a couples class called Let's Fool Around.

What? No I'm not kidding Husband! Wouldn't that be fun?

We're just supposed to bring our matts and our "sense of humor". Hahaha. My instructor is so funny. Isn't that great? Laughing together...posing together...gaining the benefits of yoga with your someone special....


I bet you can't wait.

Namaste Husband.


Wednesday, March 19, 2008



Dear Husband,

Spring is almost here, are you excited?? I am. I hope you are not one of those men that put on shorts and sandals upon the first sight of a robin, but that is another story entirely.

And being that drinking is often connected with warm weather, I thought that now would be a good time to introduce you to my Levels of Hangover.

On a scale of 1-5 where 1 is the lowest and 5 is the highest, the following should be carefully noted.

Level 1: Okay. Minimal side effects. Should I take a shower today? Something is just not right, but able to perform all normal daily functions. Ideal hangover for a workday. Cure: Normal black coffee, lots of water.

Level 2: Tummy is not happy initially. Did I drunk-text anyone? Waking up is hard, but typically able to rise around 7-8am. Also good hangover for a workday, but not recommended. Cure: Starbucks Latte, water.

Level 3: Not good. Why was there so much drinking? Tummy is unhappy, accompanied by puffy eyes and puffy face. Possible vomiting. Reserve said hangover for weekends only if possible. Cure: Starbucks Latte, Selzter water, some sort of big unhealthy meal around 1pm.

Level 4: Bad. Vomiting for sure. Bartender, I thought that was juice I was drinking! Not getting up for most of the morning. Talking is unacceptable. Blinds are drawn. Cure: Emergency Diet Coke, dry toast, sleep, real food around 4pm.

Level 5: Stupid. Vomiting ad nauseum. Zzzzzzzzzz. Cure: Not drinking ever again. ever.

Don't say I didn't warn you Husband.

Friday, February 22, 2008


Dear Husband:

I don't know if you've been following the winter we've been having in this oh so cold and lonely city, but I have taken to puffing exhales of short, measured breath to distract myself from the ice and snow, and I realized earlier today, slightly to my own horror, that this tendency resembles birth breathing, practiced round the county by those too inexperienced to know that they will surely have a cesarean and it is all for naught.

I also realized this evening that the moon has been full for three straight days.

Suffice to say, you really should get here. And no, I am not going to search for you on

That's all.


Thursday, February 21, 2008

Oscar Buzz


Dear Husband,

The Oscars are on this Sunday. Are you going to watch them?

Last year, I watched the blessed event at my neighbor's party. Am still not entirely sure why, as I don't really know my neighbors and I had things to do like wash my hair and rearrange my closet. But I went anyway.

In honor of that gold little statue and thespians in designer outfits, I dressed up, drank like 8 bottles of wine and completely failed my "Oscars Quiz" ( I was never good at standardized tests Husband ). Then, was so dehydrated the next day I considered eating snow on the way to work.

So the moral of my story is, just because Jon Stewart is hosting and "Juno" is nominated for Best Film (heeeey Ellen go girl) does not grant me special drinking priviledges for the evening.

At least that's what I'll keep telling myself.

Nominated for Best Potential Companion in this comedy we call Life,

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Hearts and Such


Dear Husband,

Being that Valentine's Day is almost upon us, I thought I would take this opportunity to write.

Still not having found you, it will be difficult to express my true love in the absence of having an actual protagonist for this love story, but I will do my best. Instead I will compose a list of gifts that would be adequate to give on this special, albeit Hallmark, holiday.

1. Flowers. Specifically tulips or roses. But if you can't remember either of those, any flower will do as I will just be excited to receive something at work that will make my coworkers think I must be a fabulous and deserving Wife. Please try to limit and/or eliminate the amount of fillers, ie: baby's breath (duh)

2. A weekend getaway. Your choice, as long does not involve NASCAR, The Mall of America, or Dollywood. However, I doubt we'd be married if the aforementioned destinations excited you in the least.

3. Jewerly. You know what kind I like Husband. And if you don't, maybe you should stick with flowers.

4. Something memorable of our time together. I will be looking forward to the collection of movie stubs, restaurant receipts, and photos you've stored away over the years. Extra bonus points for things I didn't even remember, but that you cherished most, making you the Ultimate Caring Husband.

That's all for now. Must eat red M&Ms and conversation hearts until I hear from you,

Monday, January 28, 2008

It's Taken Care Of


Dear Husband,

I just thought you should know that most women have the names of their children picked out way before ever meeting their husbands.

So while I will need you there for the necessary creation of said children, upbringing and overall fatherly guidance, I have their informal monikers all figured out. Please do not lose sleep over such matters. You have enough to worry about.